Kelly Walsh

I looked up at my grandfather as he laid his hand on my shoulder. It seemed like we were floating over my hometown, Champaign, Illinois.

"Well, what do you think?" he asked, as his knowing eyes gazed into mine.

"I'm wondering whether or not this is a dream," I told him. I had not seen Papa since my senior year of college when he passed away. "Am I doing something wrong? Are you here to tell me to change what I am doing with my life?" "No," he answered.

When I was in school Papa always motivated me think ahead and to plan what I wanted to do after I graduated college. Even though I had earned a Bachelor's in English Education, Papa always pushed me to go to graduate school in library science. I never really entertained that thought; library science did not sound like fun to me. After he passed I did go to grad school and earned a Master's in English Literature. I earned my Doctorate in Renaissance Literature, specializing in literature having to do with Queen Elizabeth the First. In the back of my mind I always wondered if he would have approved and been happy with my decisions. After earning my PhD. I did teach somewhat in my old high school for three years before getting a job with the University of Illinois. At this time I was in my second year there.

"No, Kelly. I am so proud of you. You are happy and I am proud of the way your life has turned out. How do you feel? Have you met all of your goals?" Papa asked.

I thought about that for a second before I replied. "Yes and no," I said. "I feel like I have met some of my personal goals and some of my goals for my students, but there is no way that I have accomplished all of my goals."

"Tell me what you have done," Papa asked me.

"Okay. I believe that I have tried to affect all of my students with my writing. My main goal for all of them is to appreciate literature in general. I know that most will not like the same things as me, and everyone will not pull away the same things from a text. But I know that I have tried to make everything I have taught, whether it was Beloved by Toni Morrison or Shakespeare's King Lear , relevant to my students. This was hard for me at times and I know that some of them did not like me. However, I know that I tried my best to make my students realize that everything that is written down is important. It can be important just to the author, just to one group of people, or important to an entire nation. That's what I believe my students learned from me.

For myself, I have written lots of things about how I believe students should be taught. During school I read a lot of that literature, and it never hit home until I started teaching. I tried to write instructional, helpful discourse that a student would be able to take and use while they were in school and while they were teaching."

Papa paused for a minute before he spoke. "You have done all of these things. I have watched you over these years that I have been gone. You have made your intentions known in your classes and you have worked hard so that your students know what you have expected of them. No matter what student you were working with and their individual capability, you pushed your students to work up to their full potential. You did not let them settle for mediocre work when you knew they could do better. But you said that you didn't feel as if you accomplished all of your personal goals. Which ones? You have worked so far in this life and do you feel you could do more?"

"Yes I do." I said. I feel as if my skills as a writer could become much more professional. I read essays and journals about Queen Elizabeth, which I love, but I want to produce something like that. I want someone to read an academic essay that I wrote and to say to themselves, 'Wow, she's smart.' I want my students to appreciate being taught by me. I want many academic scholars to appreciate my work and to realize that the lowly teachers of this material can write something that is worth reading and is a valuable piece of literature. At the same time though, I don't want to write something that most people will not understand. If a teenager can read one of my essays and become interested in the subject material, I will feel as if I have done my job. I don't think I should be a recruit for everyone to love reading and literature, I don't believe that's an attainable goal. But if someone can read what I have written and become engaged by the material, whether in a literary sense or in a historical sense, or in another way, I will feel that I made a difference in that person's life. I think that these are my reasons for teaching and for writing. To make an impact on a life. I don't care about national or international fame, about everyone reading what I have written. If someone grows in some way by reading anything I have written, I think I have achieved my goal."

"Kelly, you have done so much in your life already. I don't think that you realize that most students take away something every day from your lessons and activities in your own classroom. Just because you believe that now you only teach those that already care about English, think about the people that they will affect because of one thing that you said or wrote down. The power that you have to affect people is endless."

"I suppose," I said. "I guess it just doesn't feel like I'm making a huge difference right now." Papa seemed to be drifting slowly away as I said this. "Where are you going? When will I see you again?" I shouted, not wanting him to leave me.

"I have to go now. Just remember that not everyone realizes that they have made a huge difference during their lifetime. I'm sure there have been many scholars whose works have gone unnoticed by the majority but have made an impact on one person."

"Well, that's all I want."